


I don't think about you anymore, but I don't think about you anyless

by crone_zone



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Awkward Kageyama Tobio, Canon Compliant, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hinata Shouyou is Sunshine, Implied/Referenced Underage Drinking, Kageyama Tobio-centric, M/M, Mutual Pining, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pining, Post-Time Skip, Pro Volleyball Player Hinata Shouyou, Pro Volleyball Player Kageyama Tobio, Soft volleyboys, This poor blueberry just misses his sunshine, Volleyball Dorks in Love, introspective, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-27
Updated: 2020-06-27
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:55:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24868735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crone_zone/pseuds/crone_zone
Summary: For Kageyama, volleyball hasn't beenjust volleyballsince high school. It's been all tangled up inhim.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio
Comments: 22
Kudos: 140





	I don't think about you anymore, but I don't think about you anyless

Winter this year had been dreary, icy, and much too chilly far too late into the spring months. The brisk days had piled one upon the other, jostling to be noticed but all swept away under the oppressive greyness of the snow-heavy clouds as time passed at a dizzying speed. Kageyama Tobio had watched the snow begin to melt and puddles form on the sidewalks and had practiced all the harder to drown out the small sigh that was involuntarily trying to rise up in his chest.

But not today.

For the first time in weeks, the sky was completely clear and a pale blue so fresh it looked like it had been painted onto the world above the city. As he walked to practice in the morning with his breath coming out in puffs of cool white air, his heart rose into this sky and he looked to the rising sun, staring too long and hurting his eyes but still enjoying the burn it left. Today. It was _today._

 _He_ was arriving back in Japan.

Kageyama didn’t expect to see him anytime soon. He would fly into Sendai where Yamaguchi would pick him up and they’d travel home to see his mother and sister, of course, and then he would go looking for a team. Kageyama would continue to go to practice day in and day out in another city and pretend like he didn’t start each morning by saying his thanks to the east where the sun rose and Miyagi prefecture lay, holding within it this new/old occupant. They might text back and forth a bit, and Kageyama had already seen his updates in their Karasuno groupchat, but that would be it until either their paths crossed by an alignment of the stars or by an alignment of V-League scheduling. Kageyama didn’t have to doubt that Hinata Shouyou would find a V-League team and convince them to let him fly, so all that left him to do was practice, and wait.

He didn’t mind, really. His whole life, he’d felt a pulse within him to get faster, better, until he could outpace every opponent. Since childhood he’d been racing to keep moving forward, never stopping or letting his hands go idle, never hesitating, and most of all _never looking down_. How a passion—an obsession—is born in a person doesn’t matter; the drive for volleyball eclipsed all else and Kageyama wanted, no, _needed_ to be the best. No one had come close to meeting or even understanding that passion until he’d seen a tiny, clumsy boy fly one day in middle school. This sight hadn’t slowed down the pulse within him, it had revved it even faster. Anger had flared up, inexplicable anger. How _dare_ that precocious boy who had barely played volleyball draw his gaze like the sun, and then hurt his eyes with the burn it left? Maybe he was still riding the high of that encounter all these years later. This winter had been one long inhale and finally he was letting his breath _go_. He was calm. He had made it. He had waited. And someone even better had come looking for him.

Shivering slightly, he crossed the quiet early-morning street to walk on the sunnier sidewalk, thinking back to the last time he’d seen Hinata. They’d met only a few times in the year following their graduation as Kageyama had moved away to start playing in the V-League. When he’d come back to Miyagi to his parents’ empty house he’d meet up with whoever of their former team was in town. Hinata had always come, as he’d stayed in his mother’s house, working at a bicycle shop over the mountain on the other side from Karasuno and preparing himself for his trip. The last visit that included Hinata, it had just been the two of them. Kageyama had to admit he’d planned his trip at the last minute and even Yamaguchi hadn’t been able to get time off, but he would be lying if he said he wasn’t relieved to have Hinata to himself that day. It had been the Saturday before Hinata left.

They’d met for tea, Hinata burbling away as usual like the world wasn’t crumbling away around him. They’d tossed Hinata’s worn old volleyball in a park until dusk. They’d stopped in at Sakanoshita and snagged the last pork buns of the night, Hinata laughing easily with Ukai-san’s mother in the simple way he could befriend anybody that was unfathomable to Kageyama. They’d walked slowly in the darkness of the evening before they’d arrived at Kageyama’s parents’ house, where Hinata had locked his bike earlier. They’d hugged briefly, way too briefly, and then Hinata had called a bright “see you later, Kageyama!” over his shoulder as he’d biked away into the now-black evening with only a feeble light on the front of his bike to illuminate the path over the mountain. Kageyama’s wave and small smile only lasted as long as Hinata’s light was visible. _See you later_. The same words he’d said the four times Kageyama had made it back to visit that year. The same words he’d said a year previous, when he’d thrown aside his graduation clothes and leapt in front of Kageyama’s serve to return it perfectly; they’d gone four months before they’d seen each other again that time. The same words he’d said a million times in high school when they’d finally stop practicing in the evening; but those times, they’d see each other twelve hours later to start all over again. _See you later_ , as if this time, like all the other times, they were simply going to go back to playing volleyball together again in the morning, not wake up on opposite sides of the globe. Kageyama didn’t notice until he had flopped down on his bed that he was still clutching Hinata’s beloved volleyball, something he was sure Hinata hadn’t left by accident. Unable to hold it in any longer he had cried into his pillow, arms wrapped tightly around the thing they both loved.

On this last day together, Hinata hadn’t mentioned the time in the summer between first and second year when he’d insisted Kageyama ride on the back of his bike as he brought them over the mountain to his house. Kageyama had scoffed and said there’s no way he’d be able to carry him all the way but he _had_ , he’d carried them both over the mountain with his amazing tiny body that was all muscle and sweat and hormones and air salonpas. He’d collapsed on his back in the garden, huffing but grinning proudly, and Natsu had brought them both popsicles. When he’d caught his breath and licked the last of the iced pop off his stick, he’d said Kageyama’s popsicle-blue mouth looked pretty. Kageyama hadn’t been sure how to respond to this, although he absolutely thought Hinata’s popsicle-blue mouth was pretty too, but Natsu had returned just then and they were immediately pulled by this second even-smaller ball of orange sunshine into whatever game she had wanted to play. They never spoke about it, and it didn’t happen again.

On this last day together, Hinata hadn’t mentioned the time in second year at a training camp when Hinata had fallen asleep right up against him on his futon with an arm splayed over his chest and his face just centimetres from his own. His fluffy hair had brushed against his face and Kageyama couldn’t describe any other feeling that he liked so much, other than volleyball. But volleyball was starting to get mixed in with whatever feeling this was, was starting to get mixed in with _Hinata_. On this night, Kageyama had slept soundly and only awoke when he felt the absence of the warmth that had been beside him all night. He’d cracked open his eyes to see Hinata, always the earliest riser, slipping silently out of the room where the whole team slept. They never spoke about it, and it didn’t happen again.

On this last day together, Hinata hadn’t mentioned the time in third year when they’d kissed briefly in the park behind Yamaguchi’s house after a party when they were a little drunk, before Hinata had mumbled an apology and leapt onto his bike to ride away. Kageyama had waited up, unable to sleep with worry that Hinata would make it home safely and with the buzz of either alcohol or whatever that had been in the park. A quick “home baka:)” text 45 minutes later put part of his mind at ease, but he never did end up sleeping much that night. Monday when they met early for practice Hinata didn’t say anything about the party, or the park, or the kiss. They never spoke about it, and it didn’t happen again.

Hinata didn’t mention any of these things on their last day together, so Kageyama didn’t either. Maybe Hinata didn’t even remember them. Maybe Hinata didn’t _want_ to remember them. Kageyama wasn’t sure which was worse.

On this last day together, Hinata hadn’t mentioned any of the fights they’d had either. Not their usual daily banter that was just their way of communicating with each other in their stunted teenage way, but their painful, true fights that had their entire team out of skew as they stubbornly refused to confront their feelings for days if not weeks. Like the fight in first year over Hinata opening his eyes to spike their freak-quick that had Yachi running for help from Tanaka and resulted in bruised faces and bruised hearts. He knew his pride, his inability to admit that he needed to improve and adapt to Hinata and the rest of the team’s changing skills, had been the cause of this one, and he hated that he couldn’t control it. Once, in third year, Yachi had said something about this fight and how Hinata had cried and Kageyama had felt a little corner of his heart tear open again.

On this last day together, Hinata hadn’t mentioned their fight in second year when Hinata had suggested to Ukai-san that he switch from middle blocker to outside hitter now that Azumane was gone so taller players like Narita and Yamaguchi could be first-string middle blockers. This fight had actually been caused by Kageyama finding out about Hinata’s Brazil plan and the panicked loneliness that gripped him at the thought, but the position issue had been the first thing to come up after he’d heard about it. Kageyama had cruelly dredged up Hinata’s previous obsession with the traditional ‘ace’ position and called him stupid and selfish. Ukai-san had quieted him and had agreed to try Hinata’s idea to see how it worked, laying out a new practice plan to get them all used to the position switch. But after practice outside the gym after everyone else had gone, they had hurled hurtful things at each other again before Hinata biked away and Kageyama returned to his empty house furious. Ukai-san decided after a week of practice that the position switch was not to Hinata’s advantage and ended up switching their dearth of middle blockers over to the wing spiker and opposite positions to round out the team, putting Hinata back where he belonged (in Kageyama's opinion) in the middle decoy position. Everyone thought this would be the end of the fight, but since it wasn’t what had caused it in the first place, it _wasn’t_. Finally, Yachi spoke with Kageyama and Yamaguchi spoke with Hinata and they forced them to halt out a stuttering conversation alone in the locker room after practice which was the difficult first step in leaving it behind. Kageyama never worked up the courage to ask about Brazil, but eventually Hinata was back to telling Kageyama anything and everything that came to mind so he was slowly able to piece together the plan and make his own sort of peace with it.

On this last day together, Hinata hadn’t mentioned their fight in third year when Kageyama turned down the first V-League team that made him an offer because he wanted to wait to hear from the top league team, the Adlers. He’d wanted to ask what Hinata thought of his decision, but could only really communicate well when he was watching the familiar arc of the volleyball as it moved through space, so he had waited until their usual after-practice extra session. But that night, Hinata had left at the same time as everyone else and Kageyama suspected it was because of the girl from his class that he had apparently started dating. He’d sulked all night, had barely slept, and had snapped at Hinata in the morning. Instead of letting it slide, Hinata had torn back into him uncharacteristically viciously. For the first time in his life, Kageyama had walked out of practice; he’d been on the verge of tears. When he overheard Hinata a week later saying to Yachi that he’d broken up with the girl, the twisted feeling in his gut remained and it wasn’t until Hinata sent him his full beam-of-sunshine smile after a connected hit a few days later that it truly relaxed and he felt back to normal. That had been their last big fight as they had finished the year and then he’d moved away. It was hard to fight when you only saw each other every few months and you spent the whole afternoon playing catch-up.

Even today in the crisp spring sunshine as he walked to practice, thinking about these arguments made a dark feeling curl in his gut. Maybe if they hadn’t had them, things would have been different between them. His pride, his loneliness, his jealousy, had caused these painful spats and not the surface disagreements that seemed to spark them. Kageyama was no genius, but he wasn’t stupid either. He knew the only thing that had brought them back together so many times had been that Hinata somehow _knew_ what Kageyama was like, he _knew_ he couldn’t say what he wanted to if he tried and the only way he was able to connect was through volleyball. Hinata knew what Kageyama was saying was “please be there” as he tossed, and he knew he was grateful every single time that Hinata responded to his tosses with the most enthusiastic “I’m here” he could muster.

Their last day together, they hadn’t spoken of any of this. In fact, Hinata had barely said anything about the past as his eyes were so solidly fixed forwards and upwards. Kageyama as usual let Hinata do most of the talking, soaking up the warmth of it, but on this day his own eyes were fixed solidly on their past. It was hard not to look back, since the future meant _no Hinata_. At least for a very long time. But he had to let Hinata ride off on his bike, a sight that he was altogether too used to seeing, with only the promise that they would _see each other later_ and a tightly-clutched volleyball in the air between them.

And his sunshine had left.

Kageyama had done what he’d always done; he’d poured himself fully into volleyball. He’d done exceptionally well, and he’d been content.

But today was different.

Today, the sky was clear. Today, he was going to volleyball practice. And today, Hinata was coming home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -Kageyama bby everything is going 2 b ok I promise just hang in there my sweet blueberry child 💜🏐  
> -Next chapter of this fic we get the Adler boyz and some dialogue I guess lol  
> -also whoopsie my grammar is a mess in this fic I am s o r r y  
> -NOTE: author-san may have put this fic down for a while as I delve into other fics, I am sorry. please subscribe to it if you want to know when I update.

**Author's Note:**

> -Furudate said kagehina soulmate rights and I said 📣KAGEHINA SOULMATE RIGHTS✨


End file.
